“Life is really confusing.”
~Julian, age 11 ½
Hi, I’m Dr. Michelle Álvarez and I’m a psychologist. People come to me when life feels like a confusing mess, and I help them untangle it out. If you’ve landed here I bet, like Julian, you’re a bit uncertain about some things (even if you’re 12 or even older). You’re trying to figure life out. You don’t know what to do about your mood, or your stress, or your job, or your partner. Some days you don’t even know what you want; you have conflicting desires. Sometimes you think this, but other times you feel that. For instance, you berate yourself for taking on too much, but another part of you, the people-pleaser, seems to override you out of a fear of being disliked. Or you know it’s time to end that toxic relationship, but a voice inside you whispers that then you’ll be all alone. Which one should you listen to? You’re stuck.
No, you don’t have “multiple personalities” (probably) –you just have a bad case of the human condition.
All of us have different sides of ourselves, different parts. The problem is when they don’t get along, or they want different things. Our goal here is to get them talking to each other and on the same page, making decisions together that make all the parts of you feel balanced and, well, happier.
In trying to reach this elusive sense of contentment and peace, you’ve probably tried some things already: a new partner, a new job, a move, a gym membership, group yoga classes, retail therapy, self-medication… Maybe you’ve even tried psychotherapy before. And some of those things may have helped –but not enough. Or maybe things even seem to have gotten worse. Either way, you feel unfulfilled, lost, scared, or –to use the clinical term– kinda meh. If, despite your best efforts, you are not happy with your life, let’s see what we (all of us –your parts and mine) can do about it.
The type of therapy I’m obsessed wi– er… talking about is called IFS –Internal Family Systems. It’s existential, it’s thinky and symbolic, but also somatic and body-centered. It’s neuroscientific and research-based, but also a little esoteric and woo… It goes back and talks with your “inner child.” (Does your inner child even know you’re all grown up now?) The family in question is the one that consists of all your different parts. This internal family works just like a real family system, with disagreements, different roles, alliances, protectiveness and loyalty –all the dynamics that exist in any group of people. So IFS is like doing family therapy with the people inside of you, getting them to listen to each other, helping them work out their stuff and learn to get along and work as a healthy unit. (You’re stuck with them; might as well.) The goal is NOT to all blend into one. That would be so weird if a whole family merged into one person. Plus, then you’d be all on your own instead of with your loving and supportive family. Are you up for trying family therapy but by yourself?
This is your one and only life*. Make it a good one.
*Well, maybe. Because reincarnation.
What don’t you like about your life, or about yourself? What do you wish was different? What do you want to change, but don’t know how to –or even what exactly it is? Perhaps even more importantly, what do you like about yourself and your life and want to keep the same or build upon?
To see whether we might be a good fit…
Call me 828-82-PSYCH (828-827-7924)
or write me hello@drmichellealvarez.com
What’s it like to have Michelle as your therapist?
As they graduate, my clients have the option of leaving me feedback (and they’re encouraged to bring up concerns along the way.) I asked a friend to mix all my “reviews” together, and this is how my clients described me:
“Michelle has a calming presence that almost immediately puts you at ease and makes you want to connect and open up to her, even though she doesn’t push or rush you. She’s very likable, warm, intelligent, funny, nonjudgmental and understanding, supportive and kind. She does call out the BS, sometimes nudging you along with her gentle challenging style, and at other times in an irreverent and subversive way that somehow still feels non-confrontational.
She connects the dots in such a way that you see things about yourself and your life in a whole different light, and ultimately convinces you that what you’re going through actually makes a lot of sense, and that you can make real changes in your life, a lot more easily than you ever imagined. You leave your sessions with her feeling empowered, excited, a bit happier with yourself, and yes, a bit raw sometimes, but knowing that it is all worth it, and a necessary part of the process.
Michelle is professional yet fully human, and it’s flagrantly obvious that she truly cares about her job, about you as a person, and –knowing what she does outside the office– about people in general.
In short… she’s a badass.”
Their words, not mine. But I like them.